That’s Not Dirty Talk…

…that’s you being a jerk

by Tommy J for DUDE. 2

So a good mate of mine is about six months into taking testosterone and he’s doing a lot of experimenting with internet hook ups with men. He would love to have an all-night fuck fest with a big, beautiful bear, but for a great night (or morning, or afternoon) he’ll happily hook up with various kinds of gay or bi identifying cis men. And as his horny 22 year old friend, I get to hear all the glorious details. He tells me all the great stories about quick meet ups, grunting phone calls and sweaty palms.

One Monday morning at a little café around the corner from his place, we lean in over our soy latte’s whispering excitedly…

“So, he puts you on your stomach, leans over and then…?” I ask excitedly gripping my coffee mug.

“Well he’s just about to…” PJ starts, but trails off looking uncomfortable.

I give him a couple of minutes to stare out the window but eventually I look at him and say, “PJ, what happened?”

He sips some water, takes a deep breath in and goes on,

“Tommy seriously. These guys, some of them are idiots. I specifically look for guys who talk about being trans positive or at least are open to the idea. I begin our hooks ups straight up: I say, ‘This is what I call my junk, what do you call yours? This is what I’m up for, what are you up for? Etcetera, etcetera,’ and it’s all great at the beginning. But seriously! When a guy starts on about my “chest” or starts calling my junk the wrong thing, oh man, it’s such a fucking turn off!

Smiling awkwardly at the older woman at the next table with the disgruntled dog at her feet I reply, “Oh dude, I’m sorry to hear you had a weird night.”

“It’s not just a weird night, it’s all the time! I just want to fuck a guy who’s a little trans savvy. I don’t want any of this boys-who-talk-over-the-net-about-how-trans-friendly-they-are and then we meet up and I end up feeling gender fucked. I want to feel like my best male, trans, spunk self when I’m fucking. I don’t want hear you’re goddamn Thailand experience!” he finishes exasperated.

The conversation gets me thinking: Who’s got some good ideas to tackle the awkwardness of a lover consistently calling your body the wrong names? Other than constantly trying to educate and re-educate our lovers, what else is possible? And frankly, when all you want is a really good fuck, or one afternoon with a stranger, how can you get the respect that we all deserve? Maybe it’s a little different with regular or long term lovers, sex is all about what you can make it together and a little educating can go a long way. But with a stranger that you’ve been up front with about the way you talk and feel about your body, it shouldn’t be a lot to ask for them to respect your boundaries.

Therefore I ask:

Dear cis men-looking-to-hook-up-with-me or anyone-who-feels-this-is-relevant-to-them,

I am excellent. If you’re a little bit more open to respecting me for the amazing human I am, we will most likely have an amazing time.

Seriously amazing.

You can do this by listening to what I’m saying.

When I say, “Hey I’m up for this, and not for that,” respect it.
When I say, “I like this bit to be called this,” call it that.
When I say, “Oh hey, I don’t really want to hear about the other lovers you’ve been with or the other remotely related trans experiences you or your mate have had,” don’t talk about it.

– – – – – – –

Dear DUDE fans!

Copy the above on a piece of paper. Whenever need be, show your lover or hookup-to-be this piece of paper. If he doesn’t listen, show him the door. You deserve something better.

Tommy J

DUDE. 2 Early Release Party!

Sam Orchard Comics

DUDE. Magazine proudly announces the release of DUDE. 2 during this Midsumma Festival on January 18 2012.

DUDE.’s second issue focuses on body image and diversity, with pieces on transitioning, cruising, queer porn, growing up in the 80s, and buying cocks for Christmas.

Also in DUDE. 2, creator and editor-in-chief Jez Pez interviews sexy queer porn superstar James Darling,who says candidly, “I have a cis male lover and I top him. What’s not to love about being able to choose the size, length and width of your cock and it never goes soft!”

Press Release here.

DUDE. 2 Early Release Party

  • January 18 2012
  • 1000 £ Bend 361 Little Lonsdale St Melbourne
  • 7pm
  • FREE
  • Part of Midsumma Queer City Premier Arts Reveal Exhibition Launch

Media inquiries to: Jez via |

DUDE. is proudly sponsored and supported by the {also} foundation: Take care {out} There, Trans Melbourne Gender Project, Hampstead Dental, Hares & Hyenas Bookstore, and the Healthy Communities Fund.

DUDE Party!

DUDE Magazine is set to begin working on issue #2 and launch a website and take to the streets of San Francisco!

A good enough reason to party and with a line up like this one it is sure to be a hoot.

So make sure you get in early because there is limited space at The Wesley Anne.

Saturday 27th August
Doors 8pm Shows 9pm

There will be bands and there will be shows. Check out the poster for more information.

Ana Nicole
Razz Berry & The TransAction
Lady President
Jez Pez
Agent Cleave
Mummy Complex
Pluto Savage (SYD)
Nana Doris
DJ Crystal McKinnon

For any information or assistance regarding venue accessibility please email Ash at

You will have fun. Scouts honour.

(Click the image above to go to the facebook event.)


Call Out: DUDE 2

Deadline: October 31st, 2011

Theme: Body Image

Be brave, bold and beautiful. Value everyone.

Is the trans movement celebrating body type diversity in positive ways? Does it further impose mainstream pressures on our body image? How can we celebrate all body types in healthy and constructive ways? And how do we do this without adding to the fetishisation of the sex and gender diverse community?

We want to hear what your thoughts are on body image. What do we need to share with each other? What assumptions are often made and why?

Including but not limited to, body image in relation to:
• expectations of uber masculinity: both in the mainstream, such as media, magazines, movies; and on youtube and ftm forums
• various subcultures such as bears, lesbian, sporting clubs and codes, gyms, punks, S/M, leather, anarchist, activist, men-only spaces, SOP
• not being on T/natural transitioning
• butch-not-trans / butch-and-trans
• genderqueers or dykes who bind or have had top surgery
• people with (dis)abilities or people who are differently abled.
• sex
• genitals
• body size diversity and positivity
• substance use
• people with eating disorders
• scars
• femme ftms
• binding
• surviving sexual assault
• gender dysphoria
• dealing with health professionals
• strategic essentialism

Submissions from Australia and New Zealand will be highly regarded, but the call out is open to everyone world wide.

About Dude
Dude is a not for profit, creative resource on transmasculinity; a zine combining short articles, stories and imagery. To download Dude 1 go to: DUDE is LIVE.

We encourage photo submissions from a diverse range of people who identify as male / trans /genderqueer / transmasculine / butch / femme ftm / ftm / m2m / especially people of colour / people who are chubby / people with disabilities / freaks / people not on T.

Also, we love cock pictures.


Length: No submission is too short: brief articles are preferred (less than 500 words) but longer text will be considered if relevant and well crafted.
Payment: At this time we are unable to offer payment for submissions. Each contributor will receive a copy of Dude 2.

All submissions in electronic format to
Include with subject line SUBMISSION DUDE 2: PHOTO/TEXT (as appropriate).
Text in .doc format
Images: JPG format, higher quality the better. Please note that colour images will be converted to greyscale.
If you have further enquiries, email with subject line “ENQUIRY DUDE 2”

This call out is on facebook.

Thank you.


The first issue of DUDE is now available to download:


Feel free to support us with donations: just $3 per copy will keep us pumping out DUDE into the future! >>>> DONATE!

Leave DUDE comments below with what you think!




Having trouble locating DUDE? 

Within one week of the launch all 500 printed copies were gone! Amazing! This really shows how much interest there is in DUDE. and how much folks are looking for more info on transmasculinity.

What we need now

Do you have access to a printer? Do you work for a community organisation or student union that would be interested in printing and distributing DUDE.? Do you live outside of Melbourne and know some cool places that might want to stock DUDE.?
 If you can help with printing or distributing DUDE., contact ash at

Other Ways You Can Help

Spread the word! The more people who know about DUDE. the better. There are various share tools available – make use of Facebook, Twitter, email, or any other preferred social network.

DUDE. is created, printed and distributed entirely by volunteers and donations.
Every donation made goes towards printing costs and helps DUDE. to continue.
We are looking to raise $1500 to print another 750 copies of DUDE. for distribution to other Australian and New Zealand cities and regional areas.

–$1 pays the postage costs for one copy of DUDE. to be sent to a contributor.
–$2 pays for printing one copy of DUDE.
–$10 pays for 20 copies of DUDE. to be sent out.
–$50 pays for printing 25 copies of DUDE.

Hit the donate button to the right >>>>> Every donation helps to build a more understanding community. We really appreciate your support!



I’ll be presenting at the Melbourne Pleasure Salon and there will be a limited edition, pre-release of DUDE.

Check out it out here:

DUDE, where’s my zine?

DUDE is a free and not for profit, creative resource designed to celebrate positive representation of trans guys and to share skills and knowledge within our wider community.

The original idea behind DUDE was to create a guide on ‘how to play with trans guys’ and this may be the only published issue to materialise or it could become the 1st edition of a series. Depends on how much steam it gets and how much ink it costs.

DUDE has received a splendid number of submissions for the 1st issue and I am excited to be near completion.

Stay tuned for more details to come and I expect that DUDE will be released late February 2011.

There will be an official launch in Melbourne and I’ll announce more details shortly.

To read the call out and more background, please see below. Cheers.


call for submissions for trans male zine.

I’m Jez, I live in Melbourne, Australia and I’m a queer transman.

I’m making a little zine based on trans masculine information. The purpose of the zine is to provide a little guide on how to negotiate trans male relationships. It is going to be really simple and basic and hopefully provides a bit more understanding for people who are interested in playing with trans masculine folk or for people that are curious in general or just lack knowledge and awareness.

I know there is plenty of information and resources out there already but still to this day people can ask me the most random, uncomfortable and sometimes rudely offensive questions. I don’t think these people intend harm, but I’d like the majority of people to pre-empt their interactions with trans guys with some forethought, respect, care and understanding.

And I don’t want to ridicule or frighten people away from wanting to engage so I thought a zine might be a good way to approach this.

Also, another reason I want to create this zine is because for many years I have cruised male only venues under a certain level of anonymity and danger, which of course is very exciting, but largely hard work and unsafe. I would like to see a little more visibility and inclusiveness in gay male venues because I feel there is more fun to be had if people just knew a little more about it.

The idea of this zine is to provide everyone and anyone with a little trans male 101 and isn’t targeted specifically to one type of play nor will it necessarily represent all trans masculine identified people.

Which brings me to my invitation to submit something relevant to this topic so I can ensure there is some diversity in the zine. If you have something relevant and would like to have it included, please feel free to contact me.

It could be writing, poems, personal experience, photography, drawings, random shit, sexual fantasy, erotic fiction or any material that can be printed – in black and white.

You could also submit a question which you have been asked that made you feel uncomfortable and frozen and/or a response that might be appropriate and empowering.

If interested, please email me personally or message me privately on facebook.

Facebook: Jez Pez

Deadline for submissions is January 10th 2011.

I will try to include as much content as possible in addition to what I will be writing as the main part of the zine.

Thanks very much and feel free to circulate this on any relevant lists or blogs.