That’s Not Dirty Talk…

…that’s you being a jerk

by Tommy J for DUDE. 2

So a good mate of mine is about six months into taking testosterone and he’s doing a lot of experimenting with internet hook ups with men. He would love to have an all-night fuck fest with a big, beautiful bear, but for a great night (or morning, or afternoon) he’ll happily hook up with various kinds of gay or bi identifying cis men. And as his horny 22 year old friend, I get to hear all the glorious details. He tells me all the great stories about quick meet ups, grunting phone calls and sweaty palms.

One Monday morning at a little café around the corner from his place, we lean in over our soy latte’s whispering excitedly…

“So, he puts you on your stomach, leans over and then…?” I ask excitedly gripping my coffee mug.

“Well he’s just about to…” PJ starts, but trails off looking uncomfortable.

I give him a couple of minutes to stare out the window but eventually I look at him and say, “PJ, what happened?”

He sips some water, takes a deep breath in and goes on,

“Tommy seriously. These guys, some of them are idiots. I specifically look for guys who talk about being trans positive or at least are open to the idea. I begin our hooks ups straight up: I say, ‘This is what I call my junk, what do you call yours? This is what I’m up for, what are you up for? Etcetera, etcetera,’ and it’s all great at the beginning. But seriously! When a guy starts on about my “chest” or starts calling my junk the wrong thing, oh man, it’s such a fucking turn off!

Smiling awkwardly at the older woman at the next table with the disgruntled dog at her feet I reply, “Oh dude, I’m sorry to hear you had a weird night.”

“It’s not just a weird night, it’s all the time! I just want to fuck a guy who’s a little trans savvy. I don’t want any of this boys-who-talk-over-the-net-about-how-trans-friendly-they-are and then we meet up and I end up feeling gender fucked. I want to feel like my best male, trans, spunk self when I’m fucking. I don’t want hear you’re goddamn Thailand experience!” he finishes exasperated.

The conversation gets me thinking: Who’s got some good ideas to tackle the awkwardness of a lover consistently calling your body the wrong names? Other than constantly trying to educate and re-educate our lovers, what else is possible? And frankly, when all you want is a really good fuck, or one afternoon with a stranger, how can you get the respect that we all deserve? Maybe it’s a little different with regular or long term lovers, sex is all about what you can make it together and a little educating can go a long way. But with a stranger that you’ve been up front with about the way you talk and feel about your body, it shouldn’t be a lot to ask for them to respect your boundaries.

Therefore I ask:

Dear cis men-looking-to-hook-up-with-me or anyone-who-feels-this-is-relevant-to-them,

I am excellent. If you’re a little bit more open to respecting me for the amazing human I am, we will most likely have an amazing time.

Seriously amazing.

You can do this by listening to what I’m saying.

When I say, “Hey I’m up for this, and not for that,” respect it.
When I say, “I like this bit to be called this,” call it that.
When I say, “Oh hey, I don’t really want to hear about the other lovers you’ve been with or the other remotely related trans experiences you or your mate have had,” don’t talk about it.

– – – – – – –

Dear DUDE fans!

Copy the above on a piece of paper. Whenever need be, show your lover or hookup-to-be this piece of paper. If he doesn’t listen, show him the door. You deserve something better.

Tommy J

James Darling EXTENDED interview

James Darling is the dreamy boy next door you wished you had kissed behind the shed. James is a trans queer porn actor and sex educator. Jez met up with James in San Francisco and amongst the tom foolery there was just enough time for a quickie.

Jez: How did you get into the porn industry?

James: When I moved to San Francisco I got an opportunity to do a scene with a person I was dating at the time for Crash Pad. What could be better? I just moved to a new city and I’m going to get paid to fuck my lover! That was my first taste of queer porn and I loved it.

If Buck Angel didn’t exist, I would not have gotten as far as I have with porn. I think there would still be indy productions happening, like XX Boys by Kael T Block and Body Alchemy by Loren Cameron for example. Those are some of the first things that put trans men out there as sexual beings.

Is the queer porn scene diverse?

There is absolutely way more diversity in queer porn but there definitely needs to be more people of colour and more people of size in queer porn because it is predominantly white thin bodies, but I know the producers are trying really hard to do that and a lot of it has do with who turns up for auditions. These films are coming out of the producers pockets, they aren’t huge productions like what you see in LA.

We have the same issue with achieving diversity with DUDE MAGAZINE, we rely on the submissions to help us maintain diversity and we actively seek that out. Why do you think this happens in our community?

I think a lot of it has to do with how society values different bodies. I hear this a lot with queer play parties like ‘oh we have trans women show up’ and I think a lot of it is about creating an environment where these people will feel comfortable coming and if you are getting messages from everywhere in society telling you that you are not as desirable then it is harder to apply or send out a photo because then you get rejected and you don’t want to be rejected by people in your community or people within your queer family. It’s a really complicated issue to try and have diverse representation but to do it in a way that is not tokenising.

by James Darling. Courtesy of the artist.

People who have been in the lime light for years like Buck Angel and Loren Cameron, they obviously work hard in the gym, they are muscular men and in the eye of the public it might click with them to see a ‘typical’ man and this further cements a stereotype of what’s ‘hot’. This makes it harder for trans guys who don’t want to be in the gym 7 days a week, people who are still beautiful and attractive, like yourself who has more of the boyish look going on. What is that like for you?

It has been interesting, the ways I get received. I am so amazed at how many messages I get from people who are so happy to see a different kind of body. I mean my body is still very privileged in the western world, I am thin and I am white and I pass almost all the time, but I am also kinda feminine and sometimes butch it up. I am pretty sparkly and fabulous and gay and some people don’t know how to handle that.

I certainly could have used more empowering images of transexuality when I was younger and I am very honoured to be a part of that [now].

How would you describe yourself behind the scenes?

Oh I am totally shy and awkward! Some people when they meet me are really surprised, in my day to day life I am a pretty quiet dude.

We were just at the Folsom Street Fair Fetish Festival like two days ago, how was your time there?

I feel really lucky when I’m in SF because a lot of men have some knowledge of trans guys and some random men can fondle me on the dance floor and it’s fun, but I have to let them know at some point that I’m trans and guys out here mostly respond really positively. Guys will be respectful and be either ‘That’s hot’ or ‘Sorry that’s not my thing’.

Most trans guys fall into two categories, some won’t care and just wanna fuck and some don’t want their trans status to be a part of the equation. For me I would rather it not be an issue. I do want people to be hot for my body but I don’t want intense gender theory 101 discussions when I’m trying to get laid!

Yeah totally! Especially I think it can be hard when you are first exploring your homosexuality or queerness during or after transition. James, how do you go about cruising for sex? I basically just trust my instincts and know my boundaries, but what do you do?

I know for a lot of trans guys – myself included – often it’s easier to find guys for casual sex online. As much as it’s really exciting to be out in a public space and to be cruised, it’s risky. It’s easier to spell it out online.

I think it’s important to know what you want to get out of an experience and what your boundaries are. Be really assertive about that and if someone is pushing your boundaries then that person isn’t worth your time and you should get out of there. Before you go and have casual sex (with somebody you don’t know) it’s probably a good idea to let a friend know where you are going to be and when you expect to be back and what to do if you aren’t back. Make sure you have a safety net and know what safer sex is to you.

There are a lot of misconceptions that trans guys only bottom!

I know! I have a cis male lover and I top him. What’s not to love about being able to choose the size, length and width of your cock and it never goes soft! Cis guys can’t do that!

And reciprocation! Some trans guys find themselves in situations where you play in a power dynamic because it’s a new experience and end up just giving pleasure without receiving.

Yeah I know. A lot of the trans chaser guys here are really fixated on the changes that happen with testosterone and are really into oral on trans guy cocks. I am picky though and I am one of those guys when having casual sex with men, I prefer to be used and fucked and don’t always need reciprocation, but I do appreciate it. A lot of trans guys are fans of blowjobs, who doesn’t like a blowjob!

DUDE. 2 Early Release Party!

Sam Orchard Comics

DUDE. Magazine proudly announces the release of DUDE. 2 during this Midsumma Festival on January 18 2012.

DUDE.’s second issue focuses on body image and diversity, with pieces on transitioning, cruising, queer porn, growing up in the 80s, and buying cocks for Christmas.

Also in DUDE. 2, creator and editor-in-chief Jez Pez interviews sexy queer porn superstar James Darling,who says candidly, “I have a cis male lover and I top him. What’s not to love about being able to choose the size, length and width of your cock and it never goes soft!”

Press Release here.

DUDE. 2 Early Release Party

  • January 18 2012
  • 1000 £ Bend 361 Little Lonsdale St Melbourne
  • 7pm
  • FREE
  • Part of Midsumma Queer City Premier Arts Reveal Exhibition Launch

Media inquiries to: Jez via |

DUDE. is proudly sponsored and supported by the {also} foundation: Take care {out} There, Trans Melbourne Gender Project, Hampstead Dental, Hares & Hyenas Bookstore, and the Healthy Communities Fund.

DUDE Party!

DUDE Magazine is set to begin working on issue #2 and launch a website and take to the streets of San Francisco!

A good enough reason to party and with a line up like this one it is sure to be a hoot.

So make sure you get in early because there is limited space at The Wesley Anne.

Saturday 27th August
Doors 8pm Shows 9pm

There will be bands and there will be shows. Check out the poster for more information.

Ana Nicole
Razz Berry & The TransAction
Lady President
Jez Pez
Agent Cleave
Mummy Complex
Pluto Savage (SYD)
Nana Doris
DJ Crystal McKinnon

For any information or assistance regarding venue accessibility please email Ash at

You will have fun. Scouts honour.

(Click the image above to go to the facebook event.)



The first issue of DUDE is now available to download:


Feel free to support us with donations: just $3 per copy will keep us pumping out DUDE into the future! >>>> DONATE!

Leave DUDE comments below with what you think!




Having trouble locating DUDE? 

Within one week of the launch all 500 printed copies were gone! Amazing! This really shows how much interest there is in DUDE. and how much folks are looking for more info on transmasculinity.

What we need now

Do you have access to a printer? Do you work for a community organisation or student union that would be interested in printing and distributing DUDE.? Do you live outside of Melbourne and know some cool places that might want to stock DUDE.?
 If you can help with printing or distributing DUDE., contact ash at

Other Ways You Can Help

Spread the word! The more people who know about DUDE. the better. There are various share tools available – make use of Facebook, Twitter, email, or any other preferred social network.

DUDE. is created, printed and distributed entirely by volunteers and donations.
Every donation made goes towards printing costs and helps DUDE. to continue.
We are looking to raise $1500 to print another 750 copies of DUDE. for distribution to other Australian and New Zealand cities and regional areas.

–$1 pays the postage costs for one copy of DUDE. to be sent to a contributor.
–$2 pays for printing one copy of DUDE.
–$10 pays for 20 copies of DUDE. to be sent out.
–$50 pays for printing 25 copies of DUDE.

Hit the donate button to the right >>>>> Every donation helps to build a more understanding community. We really appreciate your support!



I’ll be presenting at the Melbourne Pleasure Salon and there will be a limited edition, pre-release of DUDE.

Check out it out here:

DUDE, where’s my zine?

DUDE is a free and not for profit, creative resource designed to celebrate positive representation of trans guys and to share skills and knowledge within our wider community.

The original idea behind DUDE was to create a guide on ‘how to play with trans guys’ and this may be the only published issue to materialise or it could become the 1st edition of a series. Depends on how much steam it gets and how much ink it costs.

DUDE has received a splendid number of submissions for the 1st issue and I am excited to be near completion.

Stay tuned for more details to come and I expect that DUDE will be released late February 2011.

There will be an official launch in Melbourne and I’ll announce more details shortly.

To read the call out and more background, please see below. Cheers.


call for submissions for trans male zine.

I’m Jez, I live in Melbourne, Australia and I’m a queer transman.

I’m making a little zine based on trans masculine information. The purpose of the zine is to provide a little guide on how to negotiate trans male relationships. It is going to be really simple and basic and hopefully provides a bit more understanding for people who are interested in playing with trans masculine folk or for people that are curious in general or just lack knowledge and awareness.

I know there is plenty of information and resources out there already but still to this day people can ask me the most random, uncomfortable and sometimes rudely offensive questions. I don’t think these people intend harm, but I’d like the majority of people to pre-empt their interactions with trans guys with some forethought, respect, care and understanding.

And I don’t want to ridicule or frighten people away from wanting to engage so I thought a zine might be a good way to approach this.

Also, another reason I want to create this zine is because for many years I have cruised male only venues under a certain level of anonymity and danger, which of course is very exciting, but largely hard work and unsafe. I would like to see a little more visibility and inclusiveness in gay male venues because I feel there is more fun to be had if people just knew a little more about it.

The idea of this zine is to provide everyone and anyone with a little trans male 101 and isn’t targeted specifically to one type of play nor will it necessarily represent all trans masculine identified people.

Which brings me to my invitation to submit something relevant to this topic so I can ensure there is some diversity in the zine. If you have something relevant and would like to have it included, please feel free to contact me.

It could be writing, poems, personal experience, photography, drawings, random shit, sexual fantasy, erotic fiction or any material that can be printed – in black and white.

You could also submit a question which you have been asked that made you feel uncomfortable and frozen and/or a response that might be appropriate and empowering.

If interested, please email me personally or message me privately on facebook.

Facebook: Jez Pez

Deadline for submissions is January 10th 2011.

I will try to include as much content as possible in addition to what I will be writing as the main part of the zine.

Thanks very much and feel free to circulate this on any relevant lists or blogs.